These are all the song lyrics I’ve ever written – excluding the ones so bad I want them to be forgotten!
They are in chronological order so when I finish a new one I stick it on the end. Sometimes though songs take years to write, so they are arranged in the order in which I had the<em> idea</em> for the song; so for example, Weddings Make Me Cry wasn’t finished till about ten years after I had the idea for it, which is why it features surprisingly early on the list. After all, I thought, you can always dispute stuff, but you can never dispute when when the light bulb was switched on. Anyway, song lyrics, here they are…
Country Girl
She’s a country girl
so I don’t know why I’m falling in love with her,
cos I’m a city boy
and city girls I usually prefer…
…but not anymore I’ve fallen for…
a country girl!
I couldn’t keep my feelings concealed…
I said to her:
“I’ve had no experience in this field”
I never saw the point of whistling sheep dogs
or ‘getting down’ in peat bogs,
but since we met I just wanna be hen pecked!
I’m a city boy
who used to watch the football match with palls,
and she’s a country girl
much more used to pulling bits of cows…ooo ahhh…
City girls know all the latest fashions
but she’s got animal passions!
and I’m all…ready for a woman who’s primal!
And she’s a country girl
who used to kiss the shepherd in the hedge…
But I’m a city boy
and now she wants a slightly bigger wedge…yee haaa!
She wants fax machines and calculators,
I want home grown potatoes
Its a complete change of status!
(get off my laaaand)
Sunrise
Love returns like sunrise,
ascends and claims the heavens.
Let it shine
sun and stars be mine
broken, torn
try to carry on.
We are fools together,
still two fall, forever in flight.
Dark the dawn that breaking
awakes me like a siren.
Give your heart
give it in your eyes,
In the night
you and I arise.
Arise and shine your sleeper
sleep deeper
and let there be light.
Love returns un-silenced,
demands its deeds and titles.
Sweet sweet sweet
kisses that we share
hand in hand
give it all you can.
We are just beginning
when the stars are spinning through night.
Silicone
The don on song has got a claim to fame
I’m gonna think the brink, I’m gonna steam the cream
I’ve gotta rock the spot, until I waste the chaste
From when I split the tip, until I bend the end…
Silicone, beach and saccharine
lipstick mascara leopard skin
the fake stuff is better than the real thing
the fake stuff I prefer to the genuine…
I’m gonna smoke the roach, I’m gonna sink the drink
I’m gonna pill the ill, I’ve gotta feed the need
I’m gonna pop the top, I’m gonna stack the pack
I’ve got the most to boast, I’m gonna rule you all!
Silicone, beach and saccharine
lipstick mascara leopard skin
the fake stuff is better than the real thing
the fake stuff I prefer to the genuine…
(Optional 3rd verse)
Low lights, high lights and silhouettes
Vodka and tonic and cigarettes
Sparkling jewels and a party dress
From the bar to the car, then the guiltiness.
Rainy Day
Rainy day, morning mid September,
side by side in pale sunlight
hurry home together.
Every sunday morning came to find us
with eyes wide open and ear drums ringing,
another night behind us.
Lets pretend, tell me how you need me,
breaking up is hard making up is easy.
We could lie forever
sharing precious moments close together
Rainy day, mid-morning, September,
side by side as pale sunlight
lies with us together.
Lets pretend, tell me how you need me
breaking up is hard making up is easy
The sun came out to kiss you,
the stars come out at night because they miss you.
Lucky Day
It’s my lucky day
just how I’d like it to be.
Unhappy days are over
It’s four-leaf-clover-ee!
It’s my lucky day…
couldn’t ask for anything more.
Bless my soul, things on the whole
are better than before.
Everybody likes to go dancing,
everybody likes to kiss,
everybody likes to fall in love,
I like to sing about this!
It’s my lucky day
just how id like it to be,
I cant wait – everything’s great!
I am really happy!
Scared of the Dark
I’d like to leave you now and make my way to somewhere quiet and still,
I’d like to take my rest, close my eyes and lie alone undressed,
but I’m scared of the dark.
I’d like to wish you well, make my peace and dim the candlelight,
I’d like to climb the stairs, reflect upon my day and say my prayers,
But I’m scared of the night.
Chinese Whispers
Sweet and sour flavours,
music misbehaviours.
were wayward in our labours.
now were gonna wake the neighbours!
The fat cat’s back to back chat scat
prattle clap trap, pap on tap, tick my lick.
The dude-too-rude lures the pure
but’s lost the plot too hot to stop – top or drop.
The sublimest crime is the nicest vice
so hoof the goof, skip the gyp, pit the wit.
The beat is meaty and the tone is droning
excuses are useless, my brain is absolutely polluted.
Its not coffee break time
halibut or skate time…
its not beef marinate time
its pussy on a plate time!
Dum Dum’s dim din dumbs down no thumb’s down
jumbled gibberish babbling gabble.
Perfect, Ben Hurr-fect, I blurt the dirt
slur absurd words spew blue rhubarb.
Fill with filth till the filth spills kill pills
feel till you’ve had your fill and feel ill.
Corrupt and fucked ruptured self-destruct
profane and caned – IT’S A BRAIN DRAIN!
We are playing coolly.
You are going drooly.
When girls are around I’m cooey…
now dance like Hong Kong Phooey!!!
Chinese whispers and tongue twisters
my twisted shit’s the pits, your brain blisters.
All the misses kiss the misters,
The gist is pissed – I twist the vistas.
ONE THING IS SOMETHING – BUT NOTHING’S ENOUGH
It’s not art it’s not smart its just huff and puff,
but who’s number one? Who’s your chum? its Dum Dum!
…yum yum…in the tum…out the bum – done!
Scenes and Relationships
Scenes and relationships seem to draw me in.
They offer me a ride so I get inside and they take me for a spin.
Let’s go to a party, meet some people and make new friends.
We will dance together until this party ends.
Scenes and relationships always lead me on
they take me down, then they show me around I always stay too long.
I am delving deeper to see what’s going down.
I’m trying to reach the bottom of what goes round and round.
Love and happiness are just around the bend
they call me away and they lead me astray, and they lead me home again.
We must press still further to see the things we are,
Love is getting closer when lovers go too far.
Hangover
Down, come down,
wander round,
smoke another cigarette
and get all hung up on self doubt.
Slow, so slow,
Let it go,
write a list of things to do,
read it through, cross some out.
Watch the colours of the morning
dawning over me
things that happened since the sundown
I think about and comedown
comedown…
comedown…
Close, so close,
kiss but then,
we will never meet again,
except in memories or dreams of party scenes.
Indian Summer
Every year this time gets to me.
Plays upon my mind upsetting me,
vows spring makes the autumn breaks.
My love the flowers are dying
and soon their sweet perfume must fade
Our world grows cold and drains colours
of paths and fields where we strayed,
but we still might have and Indian summer
before our nights close in.
My love our summer was squandered.
Now gone to play upon my heart
I watch the sky and I wonder
although the season grows dark,
we still might have and Indian summer
before our days grow dim.
Prepare your fires and shelters
As Earth’s preparing it’s shroud.
We grow but only now we know the sunshine
now sunshine is breaking through cloud.
We still might have and Indian summer
before our nights close in
In the Morning
In the morning when soft light shines
sweetheart, sweetheart, and love’s no longer blind,
where have all the stars gone? Where are all our dreams
sweetheart, sweetheart, when the sunlight streams?
Light that slowly changes, changed the night before.
Then I told you I loved, now, I love you more.
Now the roads are empty, thoughts are almost words
and nothing moves or makes a sound except the wind and birds.
Why do birds sing sweetly? Who can know for sure?
I don’t even know what I’m trying to say, though I wish I’d said much more.
We are at the centre, we are in the sun
We are so much older, when the day is young.
Broken Heart
When your heart is broken there’s nothing you can do.
When your heart is broken it all comes back to you.
Fate is never kind, love is always blind
when your heart is broken in two.
When your heart is broken you dwell upon the pain.
When your heart is broken you think of who to blame.
You will never make that mistake again
when your heart is broken in two.
Why can’t we be happy?
How were we so wrong?
And why do we have to accept these things,
and have to carry on?
When your heart is broken you want to be alone.
When your heart is broken nowhere is your home,
walk from room to room, but you are on your own
when your heart is broken in two.
Thin
I’m too thin, I’m too thin
I’m too thin, and I cant think
I’m too thick so I don’t know
I’m too slow and I’m too slim.
Try to make good, try to make do,
try to come through and I try to come clean,
but I’m too weak and its too deep,
or its too steep and I’m too lean.
I cant wake and I cant sleep,
it’s too dark and I’m too dim,
I’m too hard or I’m too soft,
I cant stay and I cant stray.
Try to make sense, try to make sure,
I’d die to be more and I try to stay cool,
but its too late and I’m too straight
or I’m too pissed and I’m too small.
Near
I am near the end
I am near the end
try to define, draw a line
and step across again.
The dogs are barking at the waters edge
quiet reflections twist and shine,
I am in the darkest room,
life continues, things happen.
I’m not in control of this
but I won’t change my course,
the river might be poisonous
but I am near its source.
I am near the end
I am near the end
let the gods come down on me
I can never bend.
Trying to make sense of this,
trying to make things fit,
it’s all so significant
…if you think about it.
Some things are hard to talk about
some things are difficult to say
something is still and silent
but it never fades away.
Airplane
In my life with all its complications
I cant wait forever to make life’s big decisions.
I want to fly and airplane,
I’ll fly an airplane…and leave all this behind me.
We’ll find somewhere the sun is always shining,
we wont ever touchdown, we’ll just keep on climbing.
I want to fly an airplane
I’ll fly an airplane…somewhere I’ll be happy.
Cleared for takeoff, what if we get too high?
Live among the stars with me, and fly
fly…fly…
Flower Queen
I could look in your eyes till the stars fade at sunrise,
till the dawn is drawn by shadow, till the night bathes in moonlight.
We are touched, we are touching.
In our world, in our lives, we have hopes dreams and feelings,
choose our words, paint our pictures, meaning things, things that mean things,
till what’s built up is broken
let it grow, let it grow…
All of our flowers have opened.
All of our flowers have opened.
I can’t sleep, I can’t wake, I can’t think, I can’t stand this
I can’t heal, I can’t help it, I can’t form, I can’t function
I can’t fake, I am defenceless
We press on, we continue, walk our paths, give our reasons,
play our games, take our chances, act our roles, make our choices,
and loose our minds to our senses.
We get high, we get high…
and break like the waves of oceans,
break like the waves of oceans…
Weddings Make Me Cry
Weddings make me cry however many I have attended.
I watch as the bride walks by to stand next to her intended.
Anything she wants to say, she’s got to have it her way
she’s the last to show, the first to go. This is her special day.
So you wish her every happiness,
and you say: “it’s a lovely dress”
She walks in with her father, out with her lover
she enters with one name and leaves with another.
So although I’ve seen it all before,
and I’ll probably see a few more,
weddings are always sure to make me cry.
Preliminaries are gone through
Maybe a reading too
Prayer or a brief citation
Depends on denomination
The best man’s face says it’s all in place
except for the page boy’s tie
then its the promises – heavy promises!
…promises you’ve got to live by.
See we’re all hoping and praying
that you mean all the words you’re saying
because if you’re not sincere – why are we here?
More dressed up than we’ve been all year!
But then two people agree, real happiness is being less free
so whenever the knot is tying
there’s always a bridesmaid sighing,
and there’s always some baby crying….and me.
Live Together
We cant go on year after year torturing ourselves like this.
We cant go on living on the run, chasing after happiness.
Someday something’s got to happen that makes everybody change sides,
and someday we’ve got to stop running and jump across the great divide.
Because we cant go on like rats in a cage, playing on a wheel to get by,
If we can’t get on, then what we gonna do when we have to get along or die?
Some day we’ve got to look forwards and put all the pain behind,
and some day we’ve got to be forgiving and expect some forgiveness in kind.
Before we loose our minds we’ve got to live together.
Its alright to love
there is nothing wrong with love or answering somebody’s prayers.
Its alright to kiss
…if your old enough to kiss and it doesn’t hurt someone that cares.
If all of our vows are broken and all of our promises are lies
then how can we hold our arms open and look into somebody’s eyes?
We can only rise when we can live together
Live together
Live together
In love.
Peace and Quiet
Now it is time for peace and quiet
as the centre of town falls still.
For now we must stop and shut up shop
get our bags and cash up the till.
I’d have loved to have spent this day with you
in the season of peace and goodwill.
All the work this year is done
and the drinking has begun,
so God bless you, and everyone.
Now we reflect on years gone by
and the things that our loved ones said,
and look forward to what we plan to do
in the years that remain ahead.
I’d have loved to have spent this day with you
but my thoughts are with you instead.
So I’ll wish you all the best
and I’ll say to you ‘God bless’
may your days be filled with happiness.
Rock and Roll
I just wanna rock and roll with you
I just wanna give you love so true.
Cool baby now here I am!
You are the one and I’m the man
Groovy now groovy now make it all right
I wanna rock and roll with you tonight!
I just wanna make your dreams come true.
Rules are the walls were breaking through.
Swing baby and spin in time,
all I wanna do is make you mine.
Queen of the scene and star of this show
make up a dreamy team now lets go!
You and me want to get together
and stay together all night long.
Were gonna fall in love forever
and how could that ever be wrong?
I love you, you love me too!
Were all cool now what you gonna do?
Since we met we want to get down
jump to the front and paint the town.
Your the first choice and its the last chance
so forget other men you met and lets dance!
I Dreamt I Could Fly
Dim the lights that I might look on sunny days.
Dim the lights that I might look on ocean waves.
Last night it happened once again
and last night it happened just the same.
So bring the night for darkness makes it clear to me,
draw the blinds for blinded it draws near to me.
Last night it happened once again
I was down, Earth bound I ran and then,
I dreamt I could fly
I dreamt of a cloudless sky
and the birds became my friends
and showed me secrets of the heavens.
Beyond the seas
upon the breeze
I dreamt I could fly.
Everyone must dream and everyone must wake up,
spread their wings and turn their minds to higher things.
It was real, as real as you and me,
I was chained, contained but I broke free,
and I dreamt I could fly.
Love One Another
Why be so uptight, when we could love each other?
And why stop and say goodnight, when we should love each other?
Everybody’s got to change sometime
and when’s the best time we should start?
Maybe here tonight will see the one time
that you let the sun shine in your heart.
People of the world agree and get along together.
Let your minds and your hearts run free and get it on together.
Let’s count every star that’s shining
and give every one of them names.
Let’s take off and never stop climbing
till we go down together in flames.
But I’m shot – I’m all strung out
and my heart is hanging on a string
so love one another all you can, and let it in…
I dreamt about the years that had passed and felt them weigh upon me.
And the moments that I tried to make last but had to watch slip from me
I want to set this out in every last detail
so that everybody after can see
and pass time again with people who in time passed,
and have everything that never can be,
and get high – until it all comes down
to the only thing that’s left you cant doubt…
love one another all you can
love one another all you can
love one another or be damned
and let it out…
Miguel Rodruigez
Miguel Rodruigez is watching his back
and his mind tracks back to the day before,
as he walks through the rain in the night and returns to the scene…
And Miguel Rodruiguz is watching his step
though each step takes him further from certainty,
until he stands by the motel door where the murder has been!
And he tries not to make any sound
as the handle on the door turns round,
he sees the body on the bed in blood
and the key to the safe on the ground!
Miguel Rodruigez is holding his breath
scared half to death of the consequence,
he walks across the room real slow, drawing his gun.
And Miguel Rodruigez he thinks his luck’s changed
as he picks up the key and he looks at it,
he’s been a looser all his life and at last, his moment has come…
But then he hears the door close behind,
and he sees all along he’s been blind.
He’s been cheated, double crossed and he’s cursed…
someone else had got to it first!
And he looks in the face of the man who was once his best friend.
As he looks in the eyes of the last one to stand in his way.
Taking aim for the heart though he’s shaking and at his wits end.
He puts his finger on the trigger of his pistol and…
…wonders what as he dies he might say…
Big Love
Big love (yeah)
A big love (yeah)
Its alright, its alright
it’s all night, and so right
that I like it
I excite it
I cant wait
it’s too late
I can’t stand
or think straight
and its cool
cool…
Its too pure (yeah)
but you lure (yeah)
I woo woo
now guess who!
It’s just you!
It’s all true!
There’s no time
so be mine…
The diseased brain burnout craze!
The love boat stowaways!
The speed freak runaways!
The love drug danger phase!
it’s cool
yeah cool…
I’m not sure (yeah)
but want more (yeah)
confused brain
confused pain
The fast car
the last bar
and its cool
cool…
cool…
Numbers
Many a flower must bloom unseen.
Many a dawn forgets nights dream.
When the summer’s done and the leaves fall down
all that remain are evergreen.
How many times will the ocean roar?
How many pebbles are on the shore?
Every one I take and throw into the sea
wave after wave returns to me.
At night I think about numberless things and numbers,
but however much I calculate the numbers always seal my fate.
How many flowers will bloom in spring?
How many birds in summer sing?
Will anything be shown? Will everything be known
before the leaves upon the breeze are blown?
At night I think about what I must do before I’m through,
but when I wake and see the day the nightmares all seem far away.
Song for Victoria
I need your love. I need your love,
like I need the sun and rain.
Touch me once and make me young again.
I need your kiss, your tenderness
count the stars in the sky with me,
climb the mountain peak and fly with me.
I need your love.
You have cast a spell on me,
every act every hour all tell on me.
Look into my eyes, I wont compromise
say the word, set me free.
I need your touch, you love so much
I can’t think of another thing,
there’s no sense and there’s no reasoning
I need you touch.
All of my life I’ve been wandering,
am I hoping for what never can be?
Look into my eyes, I won’t compromise
say the word, set me free.
Ballad of the Lonesome Rider
I am the lonesome rider,
many miles have I roamed.
Go state to state
but nowhere is my home.
I am the haunted outcast,
many lands have I known,
but I was born to live and die alone.
Gaze across the mighty canyon and I remember you.
I think about the way that your eyes flash as you smile.
Maybe I’m a fool for not returning back to you,
but returning back has never been my style.
Ride through the darkened forest…
Ride across the central plane…
and the twisting path across the mountain range
Think about the way you kissed me…
think of how our love was blind…
and I think about what I have left behind…
Look into the flames of the camp fire and I remember you,
look up to the sky and I see a shooting star.
Look upon the path I know would lead me back to you…
until I look inside and know I’ve come too far.
Unknown Soldier
As time moves on and I am gone
please light a candle for me.
To mark what’s passed recall I asked
you light a candle for me.
No one will recall my name
and no one will recall my face,
but please remember what I did
when I am in my resting place.
I never made the home parade
but shed my blood in foreign mud.
I never reached the highest ranks,
or ever heard no word of thanks,
but in my life I fought for you
and at my death I thought of you,
so say a payer and love me true
and light a candle for me.
Get Happy
Mr. Love is coming your way!
…His jet is taking off today,
and he’s gonna drop a love bomb
with all of the bells and whistles on!
He told me I should say to you
that you only wash up when he cooks,
I feel I should convey to you
he’s noted for his looks,
he’s always kind to animals
and he’s even read some books!
…so GET HAPPY!
He’s got a big surprise
and it’s gift wrapped and it’s super-sized,
and you’ve got a treat in store
when Mr. Love knocks at your door
he’s got you Persian kittens
and some shoes from your favourite shop.
He’s taking you to Gareth Pugh
to spend until you drop.
And his house is like the Eiffel Tower
and the bedroom’s at the top!
…so GET HAPPY!
He’s got you flowers and a wedding ring
and a panda from Shanghai Zoo,
a silk embroidered dressing gown
with Belgian chocolates too.
and he’s got a great big rocket ship
to take off in with you!
…so GET HAPPY!
Let’s Hang Out
Let’s hang out, let’s hook up,
kill some time in town,
check out what’s going down.
Look me up, fit me in.
Rendezvous tonight,
hit some bar, alright
let’s hang out.
I figured it might be cool
if we check a party out one time.
Instead of just hang about
we should let it all hang out sometime.
Nice conversation, no complication
and I kind of dig the way the thing grooves
and I’m into how you do that dance moves
cool situation.
‘cos everything you do rocks
and reminds me of a thing that I missed
you really tick my box,
we should hang out all the time like this.
Mr. Average
Hello I’m Mr. Average.
I’m just your average guy,
medium build moderately skilled
I give life my average try.
And nobody saw me walk in here
and no one’s going to see me leave,
and in the hour of my death I’ll draw my last breath
and no child of mine will grieve.
Because I’m the middle man – the second fiddle man,
the shadow, the saddo the also-ran.
Just biding my time and standing in line,
counting my days and set in my ways.
I put one foot in front of the other
and I watch everybody pass by,
and I huff and I puff and I talk about stuff
because, I’m just your average guy.
How d’ya do? I’m Mr. Nothing’s True
(it depends upon your point of view)
Hello, I’m Mr. I Don’t Know,
don’t ask me – I go with the flow.
There ain’t no use and no excuse
for the way that my day’s panned out,
I just wait in the wings and analyse things
till the only thing that’s left is doubt.
Good afternoon I’m Mr. Someday Soon
one day I might write one good tune
that begins on the wings of a new sensation
and ends like The Book of Revelation.
But I waste time so time wastes me
as I count every hour pass by,
I ain’t no great shakes, bet no high stakes
see, I’m just your average guy.
Destination Planet X
It’s destination Planet X
where everybody just has sex,
where it’s all fun that’s just begun,
and there’s no guilt and no regrets!
It’s destination Shangri-La
where no joke ever goes too far,
and everyone’s a movie star
playing Beatles’ songs on Gretsch guitar!
We’re gonna hang where porn stars bang
where beer is cold and no one’s old.
Where nothing has no consequences
its all cool – and there’s no fences…
It’s destination El Dorado
where I just nob Nelly Furtardo
in the pink and in the stink
with chicks with dicks and Brigitte Bardot!
It’s destination masturbation
where life is one big long vacation;
where freedom is just free for me
and selfishness is liberty.
We’re gonna chill with time to kill,
where there’s no pain and there’s no blame
and there’s no war and no one’s poor
and all of the people is really equal.
There will be no compromise after the hip revolution.
We got ourselves a real hero, we’re off to year zero
where nobody works and nothing hurts;
a grand final solution – a new Jerusalem…
So it’s destination Planet X
where everybody just has sex,
where it’s all fun that’s just begun
and there’s no guilt and no regrets!
Lord Nelson
I want to die how Nelson died
knowing that the job was done.
And I want to cry how Nelson cried
knowing that the battle’s won:
“thank God I’ve done my duty”
I thank God I got my duty done.
So the hour I fall at the boatman’s call
want my family out of harms way.
No song and dance or fuss at all
just a friend at hand to hear me say:
“thank God I’ve done my duty –
thank God I finished what I had begun”
…because when the shit goes down…
I don’t want to die with an ache still in my heart.
I’m scared I’m going to leave things unfinished that I start,
and when I meet Grim Reaper he’s going to take his scythe
and rip me all apart.
So I try and do what I think’s true
but there’s no true path you can take.
Wherever it leads it also leaves
the road you’ve got to forsake.
The only truth is beauty.
Beauty is truth and all that’s left is doubt.
…There must be someway out…
See, I want to lay me down in a quiet restful place.
But ill go like a wretch, blaming all for my regrets,
and kick and scream and splutter
till I look up and see Lord Jesus’ face.
Miss My Mrs
I want to be the only one…
I don’t want to be the lonely one…
God knows how hard its getting!…phew!
Every night I think of her and I wonder where it will end.
So every day I wake and ask myself: “will the pain ever mend?”
its no good to get yourself all uptight,
but when a chick is so out of sight
all that I can do is hope I make it through the night.
So I get up and wash myself and I put my shirt and tie on.
Drink my coffee and go to work now I’ve got to try to be strong.
But I just want to shout it out loud and clear:
“all I want is holding her near”
I pace across the floor, I can’t wait anymore till she is here…
I miss my Mrs. I miss my Mrs.
It is an actual fact whatever it may have lacked
I still want all her kisses.
so I want to set the record out straight
life’s too short to h-h-h-hesitate…
until she is with me…its insanity!…but I CAN’T WAIT!
I miss my Mrs. I miss my Mrs.
no matter where she has gone, whatever she has done wrong
I want to fulfil her wishes.
I’m craving misbehaving. I’m fretting for the petting.
I’m hurting for my skirting, awaiting fornicating…
…God knows how hard its getting…
…it’s it’s it’s not fair!
Stop Pretending
we should be together
it should be forever
come rain or shine
let’s pass the time
getting along whatever
we should not be parted
tears should not be started
at the end of the day
when we’re old and grey
let’s not be broken hearted
there’ll be no happy ending
unless we stop pretending
because when all’s said and done
you’ve got to love someone
and you’re good enough for me
so if I’m good enough for you
let’s weather every storm together
all of our lives through
Kick and Run
The way you play is absolutely rotten.
Your defeat will never be forgotten.
Your striker has been quieter than a dormouse,
and your midfield couldn’t score inside a whore house!
Every bodies going flippin mental!
They say the we should play all continental,
we’re going to stuff you and it won’t be gentle,
just kick and run and “come on En-ger-land”
We are going to have the most possession,
you are going to have a big depression,
after giving you a football lesson,
we are going to have a wicked session!
We have got a brilliant formation
you are going to witness devastation
after we have taught you how to play son
we hope you like your long summer vacation.
It was our idea, we drink beer.
The beautiful game started HERE
4-4-2 we play route one!
Our strategy is called ‘kick and run’
We dribble like our boots have got a magnet.
The cup will soon be in our trophy cabinet.
The referee is blind or out of his mind
but the English like to come from behind!
Ninety minutes gone and we’re ahead now,
we’re going to hoof the ball into row Z now,
your chance of winning really must be dead now
we’re going to take your mother back to bed now!
We’ve got the greatest team and I’m not lying.
Soon the opposition will be crying.
It’s going to look as if we’re barely trying,
when we kick and run and “come on En-ger-land”
Kick and run and “come on En-ger-land”
Lives of the Rich and Famous
I’m like… “Oh my God…its AMAZING!…It’s gonna be the next big thing…”
…Until the hot successes become the excesses of the beast within…
Lives of the rich and famous
draw idiots to their doom,
and the fools to the fame are the moths to the flame
there’s nothing that it can’t consume.
I so want to know what they’re going to do next,
the magazine is coming out soon!
The marriage is on…it’s off…it’s on….it’s off
“honey hold the honeymoon”
Parties of the rich and famous,
I would love to be a fly on the wall
to know what they said or did in the bed
before the decline and fall,
when everyone was staring at what they were wearing
before we stopped caring at all.
The marriage is on…it’s off…it’s on….it’s off
….but the wedding dress would look so cool!
Trials of the rich and famous,
the only way to go is down.
The journalists are laughing, someone’s photographing
an upstart after your crown
and if you stumble you’d better be humble
because it will be all over town.
The marriage is on…its off…the editors scoff…
rumour is they’ve ‘been around’
Life is a bitch for the poor poor rich as the promise of it all burns out.
You try to bankroll it, but no one can control how it turns out…
I could do with a little more cash right now
so I didn’t have to work as hard,
and I could do with a little more cachet too
so I’m held in a high regard.
Then I could be free as Jay Gatsby!
and have more fame than Citizen Kane!
and gorge myself on unlimited wealth!
…till I’m exposed in all of my shame…
The marriage is…BACK ON…(but it wont last long)
They’ve been seeing somebody all along!
SHAME ON THEM…never shame on us
for the lives of the rich and famous.
Talking to Yourself
There’s ways of saying what you find dismaying
without baying like you’ve got a screw loose.
And there’s ways of explaining why you are complaining
without doing my brain in with abuse.
But for what I heard
there is absolutely no excuse.
When you talk like that, you’re just talking to yourself.
And there’s ways of mooting what you are disputing
without sticking the boot in like that.
And there’s ways of phrasing all the points you’re raising
without blazing like an autocrat.
But when you rant and rave
and start speaking out of your hat,
get back in your cave, because you’re talking to yourself.
Please stop behaving like a raving madman
that’s craving to get his own way.
You can talk as effective without the invective
if your choice of words is a little more selective.
So try expressing what you find distressing
with more finessing of your prose and verse.
If you must speak out please don’t freak out
or else the veins in your neck might burst.
Try a little bit slower, volume lower,
and try thinking a little bit first?
Because when you talk like that
it’s like Peter Cook without the genius,
it’s like Samuel Beckett but more meaningless.
You’re talking to yourself!
Wake Up
Wake up, wake up,
a new day has begun,
a new dawn has come unto our skies.
The night was dark and long,
the starlight all but gone.
But now it’s time to open up your eyes.
Let every colour shine,
let the future seize it’s time
in the morning when the sunlight starts to break.
The shadows slowly dwindled,
the camp fires been rekindled
and we have risen up and are awake!
Good morning friend to you,
lets check our diaries through,
what’s on your list of things to do today?
We lived in fear and shame,
we dared not speak our name
and the horrors of our nightmares laid us low,
but now the daylight streams, but we’ve still got our dreams
and now were going to let our beauty show.
I’m a lady
Can’t you express the way you feel to me?
Can’t you say anything that’s real to me?
We are hanging out together, been going steady sometime,
but are you ever gonna be ready to say you’re mine?
A woman needs a man that’s straight with her,
not hedge his bets and hesitate with her.
We can carry on whatever, but I just want to be clear
just where do you want this thing to go from here?
Cos I’m a lady
I’m a wallflower.
You’ve got to treat me like a lady
if you want me to treat you like a man.
You must respect me,
persuade me,
before you can expect me
to show you everything that I am.
But you chase everything that’s far away,
and can’t love anything that’s here today.
Tell me what do you believe in?
Tell me that you love me alone,
or else tell me it’s time you’re leaving
to be on your own.
Cos I’m a lady
I’m a wallflower,
You’ve got to treat me like a lady
if you want me to treat you like a man.
You must respect me
persuade me
before you can expect me
to show you everything that I am.
Creature of Habit
Today is a normal day,
I got dressed in the normal way,
put on the same old suit
and commuted by the usual route,
carrying the same old case
I sat in my usual place.
Today is a normal day,
unexceptional in every way,
leafed through international news
taking note of the columnists views,
said ‘good morning’ to everyone,
and I looked through the work to be done…
I check my email
I check my email
I check my email and take a tea break
and then I check the female, top and tail
to be sure everything is ship shape.
And then it’s back to my desk where everyone’s ‘stressed’
some THING’S cropped up…I might have guessed…
so I do what’s due just to pay my way
because today is a normal day.
It’s like yesterday but later on
I account for the hours that have gone.
File papers alphabetically,
It’s probably how tomorrow will be.
And I need to work a little bit late
to be sure I have everything straight.
I check my email
I check my email
I check my email to see what they say.
Maybe someone somewhere that I once met
has written some THING on the internet!
And once I’ve clicked my mouse its back to the house
where I lay me down and drift away
into the same old dream of what might have been
because today is a normal day.
Marry Money
Your meditation’s much too transcendental,
your quest for happiness too existential.
If you’re seeking meaning in existence
first you need some financial assistance!….
If you ever want to be happy, you’ve just got to know one thing:
find some dunce that’s loaded, and get them to wear your ring!
Marry money child of mine and the rest is a turkey shoot,
just mouth those vows and then your spouse will have to part with loot….
…now I’m going to tell you about Aunty Mary….
Aunty Mary she was prone to serial bed-hopping.
If you saw the things she did your eyeballs would be popping!
For a lovely pair of shoes her draws would soon be dropping,
she doesn’t love her husband….BUT SHE SURE DOES LOVE THE SHOPPING!
So marry money child of mine and the rest is a piece of cake.
(Once that home is half your own you don’t need no career break)
and have some lazy selfish kids that do less work than bums on skids
and make it clear they’ve got no brains by giving them real dopey names…
…(like Harper Seven?)
…next I’m going to tell you about Uncle Fred…
Uncle Fred was prone to wed cunning little schemers,
once he walked em up the aisle they took him to the cleaners!
He was working day and night until he looked beat up,
now he takes it up the flue but he can put his feet up!
So marry money child of mine and the rest is a Sunday stroll,
you get more cash than those who work and you live like you’re on the dole.
So make that fund your husband and make that home your wife.
Get married…
…and then get divorced…
…and then…get on with your life!
We Came From the Seas
(bloop bloop)
We came from the seas.
We climbed from the trees,
and it was so neat – we stood on two feet
looked at the stars and scratched our fleas…
We made us some tools,
laid down a few rules
about how to behave, then we walked from the cave
where we’d painted on the walls…
A few centuries later
things could not be greater.
We made civilisation, took a vacation
we even flew to some lunar crater.
From appalling barbarity
to enlightenment clarity;
from the swamp to pomp and circumstance
rationality!
I attend to my grooming.
Progress is consuming.
I heard somebody say there’s a crash on the way
and disaster is looming…HA!
The opera’s divine my dear,
the ballet is sublime my dear,
but let’s me and you take a trip to the zoo
this time my dear…
And so as we strolled,
what did we behold?
But such funny creatures…peculiar features
my – how we have evolved!
They have no civility.
They have no nobility,
they just mindlessly breed,
should they not be freed from their captivity?
What astonishing things we’ve done!
What problems we’ve overcome
since the day we made our way from the seas…
…So why the shadows?…
…still the shadows…
in the corners of my mind?
…those maddening saddening echoes
of what I thought was far behind…
We came from the seas.
We climbed from the trees.
We crawled from the pit
on our hands and knees.
I am an amphibian.
I am a mammal,
the Green Man, a pagan…
…an animal
We made us a fire.
We built an empire.
We worshipped false gods,
and the buildings got higher…
We mapped the constellations,
made all of the animals tame,
did endless calculations,
and gave everything a name.
But I just want to swing among the trees,
and sit and scratch my fleas,
and dive back into the seas…
…from whence we came.
(bloop bloop)
True Love Express
All aboard True Love Express,
destination happiness,
calling at Elation Station
via Sweet Infatuation.
Boarding now for Love Express
departing station Loneliness.
Have your tickets at the ready
soon we will be going steady.
People wave goodbye to you,
the platform disappears from view,
the journey starts the train departs
and strangers say: “how do you do?”
Let it lead where hearts are freed
but think of others on your carriage,
hold on tight as you alight,
don’t block the aisles with your baggage!
My my how the world flies by
and no return tickets back!
We’re riding till the siding
so be sure you’re on the right track.
So it’s all aboard True Love Express
destination happiness
calling at Elation Station
via Sweet Infatuation.
Cheerio
Bye bye, cheerio,
its time I have to go.
Ta-ta, ta-ra.
Toodle-pip. Au revoir.
Since it all begun we’ve had such fun
with thrills and spills on the way.
It’s been a hoot but time to scoot
we’ve got to call it a day.
Till we meet again auf wiedersehen,
what’s done no tongue can tell.
It’s been splendid but now its ended
take care and fare thee well.
We can’t stay together here forever
hoping that things never change.
The moments gone we must move on
so till next time all the best sunshine.
Bye bye. Cheerio,
its time I have to go.
It begins with: “hi”
but must end with: “bye bye”
bye bye
bye bye
bye bye
bye bye
Take Care
Take good care of yourself
you are somebody’s treasure.
Take good care of your health
your wellbeing is beyond measure.
It is insanity to say it is vanity
to have a little self respect
and if you’re well read you’ll know Shakespeare said:
“Self love is not so vile a sin as self neglect”
So when trouble is near don’t be cavalier
discretion is the better part of valour.
When people are warring don’t stick your oar in
you’ll end up in Valhalla!
The people that care for you can’t always be there for you
so I say a prayer for you every day,
because I would be sad if I heard that you had
not kept yourself out of harms way.
Poem about how young people can struggle to come to terms with bereavement.
OMFG
URIP!
WTF?
No LOL!!!!
Witchcraft
Well my car had broken down in a dodgy part of town
but I wasn’t really fearing till I stumbled to a clearing.
The music there was rocking but the scenes were truly shocking…
it seemed I’d wandered into some groovy horror movie!
I’m not sure…but I suspect it was…witchcraft…witchcraft…
Well it was Halloween and I had never been somewhere so creepy!
There were zombies black cats and vampire bats it was freaky!
Cobwebs on the candlesticks, and weird supernatural chicks…
performing witchcraft…witchcraft…
There were druids drinking fluids that possessed the soul of everyone who tasted
and like a fool I drank the potion which affected my emotion – I was wasted!
Then I saw her in that vestibule dress, and she cast a spell of lustfulness…
It was witchcraft…witchcraft…
No man could have ignored her as she beckoned me towards her
I was helpless and totally consumed!
I was trying to resist her, but I couldn’t so I kissed her
now I’m doomed DOOMED DOOOOOMMMMEEDDDD!!!
Now we rave hard in the grave yard doing lewd voodoo to woo you
its so frightful!
She’s got tricks you wont believe tucked up her wizards sleeve
which are delightful!
It’s a slaughter on the alter doing things we shouldn’t ought to
A temptation situation with no salvation!
Its witchcraft…witchcraft…
Don’t be a Cunt
I sometimes think: “why is life so shit?”
When I look at the sit-uation.
Then you rock up with some cock-up
and vwalla! I have an explanation!
So…please…don’t be a cunt all your life,
please get it into your thick head,
I recommend you suspend
Conducting yourself like a dick head.
Maybe try using your brain,
It’s starting to get depressing.
People would be happier if you was less crappier,
frankly it’s unprepossessing.
The world is already full of cunts
it doesn’t need anymore.
I’ve got a great idea! I’m giving you a steer
what the world needs now is…
LESS CUNTS HERE!
So might I suggest you give it a rest
because its getting on my tits.
It needn’t be all trouble and strife
if you stopped being a cunt all your life!
It Began With A Smile
It began with a smile.
It began with a look,
one tiny little moment is all it took.
It began with a feeling;
a hand reached out
and any doubt was by the bye
in the twinkling of an eye.
Once upon a time
two people met somewhere,
and it began with a smile
and carried on from there…
God Save the Queen
GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!
…she’s nice in the extreme!…
She smiles and waves, she waves and smiles.
The best British leader by a million miles,
she’s got a house with a moat and a massive boat,
it’s the last British thing that can actually float!
Our monarch’s the dog’s bollocks
lets give her a nice statue!
Liz is the biz, Liz is the biz,
and she’s got a well bling hat too!
Every year it costs just 70p
for the whole entertaining family.
And I wouldn’t mind paying a little bit more
to be reigned on by her daughter-in-law.
Our monarch’s the dog’s bollocks,
it’s why I am in a lather
Liz is the biz, Liz is the biz
She whacks battle ships with cava!
Some disagree and many scoff
but she’s the only leader that’s made us better off,
she puts up with cronies, political phonies
and boring opening ceremonies.
Our monarch’s the dog’s bollocks!
It cannot be disputed
Liz is the biz, Liz is the biz
She’s had comparatively few people executed!
She’s had comparatively few people executed!
I Hate Everything
There must be a shit conspiracy
perpetrated by all society,
to ensure that my life is an mindless chore,
everyone is having fun…except me!
The new stuff’s shit the old stuff’s past it
so I hate everything
I HATE EVERYTHING
It’s not going in
I’m not listening
and if I listened I wouldn’t care
it’s just a meaningless nightmare
…so I hate everything…
I HATE EVERYTHING
They don’t get what they do deserve
or they do get what they don’t deserve
or they’re too straight or they’re a perv
…so I hate everyone…
I HATE EVERYONE
My political position:
the government is shit…and so is the opposition
the big parties are malevolent
the small ones are irrelevant
…I hate them all…
I HATE THEM ALL
It’s not fair – while everybody frolics
I put up with pointless bollocks all day long…
pain pain pain pain pain
pain pain pain pain pain
…I know the answer…
…it starts with a BOMB!
Tomorrow will be like today
but just a little bit more grey
we’re going to all die anyway
because pretty soon a big meteor
will end all life on Earth for sure
but so what? life is just a bore!
…and I hate everything…
I HATE EVERYTHING
(and I hate the ending too)
Captain of the Ship
I am the captain of this ship
and my ship is very ship shape
with the safety of the vessel
and the passengers at stake.
My attention never wanders,
my standards never slip
because I am the captain
of a ship shape ship.
Though we may set sail
in a howling gale
I check each dial on the deck
and every last detail.
The sea fills me with terror
there is no room for error
so I keep a ship shape ship
until the hour we prevail.
The mighty waves are crashing
the icy winds are lashing,
we’ve got to pull together
when the lightning bolts are flashing.
The crew are treated fairly
spoils divided squarely,
because we wont have a prayer
lest we’re ship shape and Bristol fashion.
I scan the constellation
and plot my navigation
sometimes I go by hunches
and sometimes by calculation
until I see the sea side
and my family at the quayside
and at last we are together
and I’ve reached my destination.
Tomorrow Will Be Wonderful
Tomorrow will be wonderful when all of our cares are gone,
just get today out of the way and bring tomorrow on.
There are problems here and problems now,
but they will all be gone somehow,
and there will be just you and me
happy for eternity.
Don’t Worry About It
Some people get all stressed about
stuff they get depressed about
which makes them really vex about
what they should care less about.
Bothering is taxing
so I live by the maxim
there’s less heart attacks in
maximum chill-axing!
I daaaaanwarrrryabaaaaa
(repeat this 4 times or else it will be wrong)
I do not exert myself
coz I don’t want to hurt myself.
Why all of the urgency?
its not national emergency!
Instead of getting uptight
cool down by two Fahrenheit,
drop the chore, do less more
chill real hard tonight…
and daaaanwarrrryabaaaaaaa
So take it easy dadio
things are not that bad-io
instead of getting mad HEY YO
stop being so sad y’know?
When things get problematical
don’t just get fanatical
instead of doing that it’s cool
to take a stress sabbatical…
And daaaanwarrryabaaaaa
Making Hay
You’ve got to take your chances
in business and romances,
because you could wait forever
for the perfect circumstances.
When opportunity calls
be first out of the stalls,
it’s no time to wait in line
playing by the rules.
You’ve got to make hay while the sun shines
or else prepare for sorrow,
because hey…if you don’t make hay today…
what if the sun don’t shine tomorrow?
Seize these opportunities
because life is all about…
…timing…
you’ll have stacks of hay stacks
if you make them when it’s shining!
You’ve got to make hay while the sun shines
or else prepare for sorrow,
because hey…if you don’t make hay today…
what if the sun don’t shine tomorrow?
And you’re gonna feel real sore
if there’s no bails in your store,
so if its sunny today…and you don’t make hay…
then that will be…THE LAST STRAW!
Best Left Forgotten
Imagination’s a wonderful thing, no denying it.
What joy could life bring if you aim high in it?
Well I know it’s pretty rotten but not every dream begotten
works out, so some are best left forgotten…
Things that might have come true can weigh down on you,
missed some boat now there’s a big frown on you.
You’re in the middle of nowhere, that’s when I say WHOA THERE!
Maybe it is best not to go there…
The loves that might have been, the places never seen,
the houses and the money, your nightmare is your dream.
Possibilities are endless in the world today
so the reason why I penned this is to try to say
it’s very hard I know when your heart might overflow
but sometimes it is best to let it go…
Sometimes it is best to just let go…
She Lives in Dreams
An ideal woman in a picture caught my eye,
and though its said that cameras never lie
it briefly cast a spell, made me stop and dwell
on the many stories pictures tell…
She lives in dreams, in sunlight movie scenes
laughs in photographs adorning magazines.
There is a light, camera and action,
the make up’s right, she’s the attraction.
Attired tastefully, she enters gracefully
her way disarming, her manner charming
in each location, each situation,
she’s quite delightful in conversation.
Her eyes look up and then look back again
its always spring when she’s smiling
in summer breeze, in autumn leaves…
she wraps up warm in winters freeze.
I wonder if it is all it seems…
and I wonder what her half smile means…
if she remembers me, I hope it’s tenderly
because she lives in dreams.
Until We Meet Again
Until we meet again,
till days are sweet again,
though it may be sometime
keep me in your heart
and I’ll keep you in mine.
Till sun shines through again,
and skies are blue again,
long goodbyes upset me,
just please do not forget me
till I’m with you again.
For Love of Money
Time weights heavy on my heart
though birds sing and it is sunny.
When you’re happy time is fast, when you’re sad the moments last.
You can’t get peace for love or money.
The path has many twists and turns
in search of a pleasant destination,
and I cant find peace of mind for love or money,
but I live in hope, not expectation.
The Night is Young
Good evening ladies and gents, it is my pleasure to welcome you
Without any further ado, to our program of entertainments.
It’s ‘hello’ time. It’s ‘good to go’ time. It’s dress up top to toe time…
It’s ‘how d’ya do?’ time, it’s ‘what’s new?’ time. Now there’s no time like show time!
When the audience have expectations, and performers end their preparations,
To delight, excite and stimulate tonight for the amusements of our patrons.
The lives we lead are dull indeed, with boring chores and mouths to feed
So we seek something better at the theatre that our hearts and out minds be freed.
The night is young, there are songs to be sung
There are toes to be tapped, there are hands to be clapped,
There are stories to be told, scenes to unfold,
Drums to be rolled and jokes to be cracked.
So nice to meetcha! nice to greet ya! We’ve got a line-up booked to treat ya!
Its curtain up time, its lights out time, its shake it all about time!
The day’s works done, the show’s begun, so I’d like to welcome everyone
Its in your place time, its smile on your face time
When the day is old and the night is young!
Fun Without Trouble
I want a beer that won’t go flat, make me hungover or get me fat
I want fun, but without the trouble
I want the slide without the climb, the loot without the crime
I want fun, but without the trouble
I don’t want a fancy job, just the salary
The tasty food but not the calories
And to go like curt cobain but without the fatality
I want the good stuff but not it’s trouble
I want my outfit to be cool but completely practical
Cos I want fun but without the trouble
The face-lift without the surgery, the acquittal without the perjury
I want the fun but without the trouble
I want to be a fitter person but without all the exertion
Play a cracking gig without any rehearsing
And if I have to choose I never loose and end up cursing
I just want fun, but without the trouble
I want every door half open, every ‘what if’ to be spoken
I want fun but without the trouble
To be together but apart, with every girl that crossed my heart
I want fun but without the trouble
Drift in endless dreams of party time distractions
Have a laugh and go down every path to new attractions
And be exempt from any consequences of my actions
I want fun but without the trouble.
In the Summertime
In the summertime
Everything is free and easy
And the world’s a sight of such delight
It never fails to please me
I’m getting hot under the collar
Now the sun’s come out again
And I’d bet my last dollar
When you’re hot, you’re the same
In the summertime
Suddenly there’s more skin showing
Gents perspire, skirts get higher
No one looks where they’re going
Last month we were snowed in
Now the air-con’s overloading
And till its cooler clothes are smaller
And thermometers are exploding!
Love is in the air, its everywhere
So every care seems lighter
The world generally feels righter
When the weather’s brighter
In the summertime
I put on my sunglasses
To be apart from this at the heart of this
And observe the world that passes
So till the sun is sinking
I’ll get another drink in
And watch the ladies parading by
And wonder what they’re thinking
Home Sweet Home
Home sweet home
Wherever I may roam
I yearn to be returning to
The place where we have grown
Round the final bend
At the journeys end
Where people who are dear to me
Are near to me again
As I step inside
The place where I reside
It’s nice to see my family
With their arms open wide
Here’s where I belong
How the time has flown
And we embrace, there is no place
Like home sweet home.
Partied Out
Try to get my head around it
But only found its unresolved
Try to put my finger on it
But everything is so involved
It was a blast but it’s the past, I need a taxi fast
I’m partied out
I’m partied out
Try to get a handle on it
But everything I planned is uncool
Just holding it together
But I can’t get my shit together at all
It was a feast I was a beast, but now I need a priest
I’m partied out
Partied out
I can’t stand it
To bail out now is distressing
But hanging with the freaks
Will equal several weeks
As a party casualty convalescing.
I’m gonna do my back in
have a heart attack and contract a rash
It is getting messy
somebody undress me, I have to crash
I was wired, I perspired, but now I’m tired
And partied out
I’m partied out
Life is Short
Why can’t we be happy when the sun still shines?
Must just dismay play on our minds?
Before the government makes happiness a crime
Let’s smile while there’s time.
Life is short, let’s have fun
Now the evening is young
The Future’s only just begun
So let’s love and love and love and love and love
Now the cares of today
Are far far away
Let’s only work at how to play
And love and love and love and love and love
Sorrow is for tomorrow
Despair for somewhere else
But now I’m here with someone dear
So why not smile and hold them near?
While there’s light in our eyes
And joy in our cries
And stars above us in the skies
Let’s love and love and love and love and love
Let’s love and love and love and love and love
OMFG
It was a normal day, going about my way
When quite unexpectedly
A sight of absolute delight
Presented itself to me.
My eye balls popped, my jaw bone dropped,
I can’t believe what I just copped,
And I’m not a guy whose easily shocked, but…
OMFG
Well I’ve been around and I’ve seen some things
That I never thought I’d see,
That you only expect with a special effect
You get when it’s on TV
Quick double take, but no mistake
I’m scared the internet might break!
My ghast was flabbered so I just blabbered
OMFG!
Well I’m not naïve but goodness knows
What I could do with one of those
So I swallowed and I hollered:
“THERE SHE BLOWS”
OMFG!
Same Shit. Different Day
I gave the DJ my promo
He said i sing worse than Yoko One
and maybe I should copy Bono
then I thought “Oh No!”
Same shit, different day
Same shit, different day
The calender has changed a lot
Other stuff has not.
The leaders talk about poverty
They’re very good at oratory
But the more they spend on equality
the poorer the majority
Same shit, different day
Same shit, different day
the planetary alignment is dissimilar
The vibe – broadly familiar
Sub-optimal mode – consistent
Dull situation – persistent
Prospect of fun – distant
Chance of a good laugh – non existent
Same shit, different day
Same shit, different day
The times have changed significantly
Other stuff, doesn’t look much different to me
You Don’t Need God to be Good
You don’t need God to be good
You don’t need God to be good
You don’t need revelation to show consideration
You don’t need God to be good
It’s all about doing what you’d like other people to do
Unless that involves other people spanking you
Whilst wearing rubber masks, tickling where you poo
Sometimes atheists do that too.
But you don’t need God to be good
You don’t need God to be good
You don’t need a scripture to put you in the picture
You don’t need God to be good
It began with a bang then the world then man
Then a myth took hold it was someone’s plan
And that became the repository
Of every excuse and fantasy
There’s no supreme being that’s all-seeing
Who’s going to judge and then do me in
It’s a scam, a hoax taught by dodgy blokes
And were blasphemous for disagreeing
The human condition, our disposition
Comes from natural intuition
Not a war on reason where questions are treason
And it’s a sin to think or listen
Now I’m not saying there’s no point in praying
If it brightens up youer day…but when
You’re manically swaying and chanting madly
That goes with treating ladies badly
And You don’t need God to be good
You don’t need God to be good
There’s one rule – be reasonable
You don’t need God to be good
But if you want to chop heads off and blow people sky high
First you’d better clear it with the big guy
And kit yourself out with a religious alibi
But you don’t need God to be good
Car
Why can’t you love me like you love your car?
Just because your car goes places,
Just because your car takes you out round town,
Just because your car never let’s you down.
Before you bought it I never thought it
Would change our relationship’s basis,
But I note a – tendency to devote a
Lot more time to your motor.
And you – you drive me CRAZY!
And I want to feel the same type of thrill
That you get from your automobile!
Why don’t you love me like you love your car?
Just because it’s got nice hi-fi,
Just because it’s got some light that bleeps,
Just because it’s got reclining seats.
I try to stay cool, but your vehicle
Is the end of the road for our marriage,
So pet me like when you met me, and let me
Park it in your garage!
Because you – you drive me CRAZY!
And I want to feel the same type of thrill
You get from your automobile!
Mr. Sunshine
Mr. Sunshine, when I wake up in the morning
and another day is dawning, and I open up my eyes
I hear birds sing so I take a look out the window
Everything’s so simply lovely when you rise.
Mr. Sunshine, you make everybody warmer
so the flora and the fauna start to blossom in the park
and I step out in such a beautiful morning
there’s no doubting I’ll be happy till it’s dark.
Until its dark I’m lost in wonder at the breezes and the thunder
and the rainbows that present themselves to me.
All the world is pure perfection laid out for my predelection
I got bored of all the sorrow and look forward to tomorrow.
Mr. Sunshine, when I get a little older,
and it feels a little colder, I’ll simply say
for the time we spent together, when I had no umbrella
thank you Mr. Sunshine for every day.
There’s a lot of ones and zeros
They must be extremely small
Such a lot of ones and zeros
I wonder how they count them all.
It would take me quite some time
Imagine if they were in a line
It would stretch from here to the stratosphere
There must be tonnes of ones and nones!
There’s a lot of ones and zeros
whizzing all about the place
faster and faster, vaster and vaster
and if they crash then – disaster!
If all of the sums of ones and nones
just disappeared without a trace
Imagine the look on Bill Gates’ face!
There must be tonnes of ones and nones!
She Only Blew My Mind
She said ‘hi’, so did I
Light was low, we danced slow
But at the end of the night when it was time to go
She only blew my mind.
She said ‘its late’, I said ‘yeah’
Got my coat, she’s not there!
So I got a night bus home it wasn’t fair
She only blew my mind
Now I’ve got to get a hold of myself.
Sometimes it gets so hard.
Just my luck, I said ‘give me a call’
Now my head is so messed up.
There was a chance at the dance
In a night of romance
But I just couldnt get into her pants.
She only blew my mind.
How Much Do You Need? How much do you need? What more could you wish for? At what point do you say "There is nothing I would swap this for!" "I have an excess, would settle for less, I wouldn't swap what I've got under duress" How sweet the delight, how strong the attraction. But when do you say "Today, It's satisfaction. "How simply divine! Oh this is sublime! All things considered I figured this'll do fine" Because you've got what I want, so if I've got what you need And we put what I want with what you need, That would be very good indeed! A F#m C#m Bm C#m Bm D C#m Bm C#m D Bm C#m A A C#m D C#m A (I want a man who's) Good With His Hands. Some men are handsome, some have degrees From prestigious universities The type I like isnt like any of these Good men address practicalities. I like a man that's good with his hands I like a guy who gives things a try. I need someone who can get the job done I like a man that's good with his hands Someone unique who can fix my leak A real catch to sort out my damp patch A sensation of the service penetration I want a man that's good with his hands. Don't want a suitor who taps a computer Dont want a person who gets worse and worse and Dont want a show off who will just go off I want a man whose good with his hands. A want a lover who don't love another. I want a friend who'll be there till the end Its cool if he's tall but overall I want a man who's good with his hands. Little Dreams Though we're apart within my heart I still recall the very start The first 'Hello' and nervous kiss In little dreams of happiness. We're there again, it's just the same There is a smile, you say your name Though there were parts I do not miss I dwell upon the happiness. Despite all the anxiety, the doubt and insecurity The mutual animosity, it was a special time for me. Each little cry, each little sigh There was just love and you and I How could we know how it would go The night we said our first 'Hello'? C Dm Em Am F Dm F Dm Em C Dm Em Am F Dm F Dm Em C Dm F Em C Dm Em F G C Dm Em Am F Em F Em Dm C Dm Em Am F Dm F Dm Em C
There’s Always Washing Up
Sometimes pigs fly and politicians don’t lie
Sometimes there is a blue moon in the sky
But there is one thing that is true till I die
There’s always washing up.
Sometimes I have fun, my football teams won
Sometimes there is an eclipse of the sun
But there is one job that’s never quite done
There’s always washing up.
I do the washing up, make a cup of tea
Nice tasty drink but inevitably
The cup in the sink is down to me
There’s always washing up.
Sorry to ramble but here’s a new angle
To get rich quick, I’ve thought of a trick
Buy lots of shares in Proctor and Gamble
There’s always washing up.
theblueanchor 